Being Here...

I’ve been gone for awhile… like this voice. And it’s not because I didn’t have anything to say. It’s just that every word took more courage than the next. Its just that I had to fight like crazy just to keep myself engaged in this dialog.

Why?

Because of non-being.

Exactly what it sounds like. Moments of non-being. It’s a concept I learned, or rather practiced for survival. It also surfaces in exhaustion. I don’t mean slight fatigue, more like debilitating, paralyzing exhaustion.

And

in these moments of non-being, there is no center, no self, and certainly no sense of here.

So while I experience the miraculous everyday… some times I need a little extra help, like right now. In this moment of being. Maybe I take the medicine I am allowed as needed for fatigue, maybe right now it’s needed.

So i can be here, in this moment of being.

Because there is so much I am ready to address… and maybe I’ve already addressed it, rather am addressing it.

If I can validate my own experience, then what other approval do I need? What is there to fear?

There is no failing in authenticity.

True, there could be pain, maybe. There could be joy, likely.

Either way this voice isn’t really mine anyway.

It’s a collective in a conduit of faith.

Just some thoughts on being here….

Amen.