Post Workout....
/Well it’s not really even a workout.
Last year I couldn’t do anything.
Actually, I take that back. Considering the amount of energy I had - I moved mountains. And by mountains - I mean my daughter.
She didn’t miss a thing and either did I. Of course, we had a lot of help. Even so. I didn’t miss a smile, a hug or a pitter patter of running feet, flying into a cartwheel.
I stayed present. It took everything I had, but I did it. I was present.
And now.
WELL NOW…
I have a tiny bit more strength. It is coming, I can feel it.
So much so that I -
I had the brain power to use sign up genius, signed up in a timely manner, and thus was able to volunteer for the first grade donuts with grandparents.
I was able to follow up with volunteer duties by folding and rolling tables, setting up chairs, serving donuts and participated in clean up crew etc.
Why is that such a big deal?
I passed out when I got home. I mean I literally passed out. I was just going to rest for a second.
And then, delayed muscle soreness. I was hurting so bad. Actually I still am.
My body now considers serving donuts a workout.
I felt pretty pathetic at first. And then it clicked.
I felt better so I did more - and this exhaustion and soreness is just a sign from my body - no different than any workout. So it was a plus.
And rest is okay.
But, just as easily, this could have gone wrong - and it almost did.
The signs of exhaustion and soreness weren’t bad messages, but they were important.
I need a little time to recover (still) and I will be going to sleep early. By listening to my body, I am growing stronger.
If I had followed my original feeling - of being pathetic, I couldn’t have heard my inner wisdom, or the Holy Spirit.
The truth is that there is still chemo in my body. AND I did have major surgery a little over a year ago. My nerves are both numb and painful everyday. They never stop trying to create new pathways from the broken ones.
I still have a lot of lymphedema from the surgery as well. That has made summer really fun, trying to cover it up. And with lymphedema comes inflammation, and with inflammation comes pain.
Also, bending over makes me want to pass out. That’s because of the postural orthostatic tachycardia…it makes exercise challenging.
Point being, I am not pathetic. But what if I told myself that?
And I have, like, for years.
So then what does my body do in return?
It stops communicating - and I stop trying, because we are no longer connected.
Only that’s not what happened. Not this time.
I loved my donut workout. I love that my brain could handle it.
Last year was surviving, this year is healing.
I’ve only just started listening to my body. I wonder how much more I will learn?
All the stories to tell, all the wisdom to learn.
I am a beginner.
Amen!
p.s. My next post will be about what to expect with a double mastectomy… I did so much searching before mine, I just didn’t find what I needed. I’m not sure the women who need it will find me, but just in case, I have to share. One story ignites another… so it’s not for me to decide or determine… just to share.
