Coffee with God....

In truth, I wrote this yesterday… before my results. I always write in real-time but I could not bring myself to post this before I knew. I mean I know I knew but only in my heart.

It’s like this feeling that comes and goes, like a breath that comes and goes but maybe not in the exhale that you expect, maybe in a softer pause, like a light that glows for just a moment, flickering as it does — as no one else sees or feels.

cause it’s just there… but for you it’s something else….

For you it’s something much different and this pause isn’t really a pause

Everyone is still moving, you are the pause, the pause is you —

but even you are moving, so really the pause is just the breath, and really you aren’t breathing because you took this moment…

Its hours before I will have the results from the four months of testing and waiting and… pretending?

I don’t know if I am pretending as much as surviving…..

but in some other manner that is more like leaning into normal —

because everything may be the same or everything may be entirely different and never the same.

I’ve had so many of these moments… the ones where reality shifts in a blink. We all have them all the time—

only sometimes the shifts are more extreme than others. This shift could be big or it could be nothing at all…

and so I sit and let myself experience the shifting….

I let myself fall and I let myself rise.

Because whatever it is…

I am here.

Amen