#16... Introducing Grace Girl

There are things in life that you expect will happen, things that will surely happen, things that will likely happen, things that may happen, things that you don’t expect will happen, things that just can’t happen, and things that surely won’t happen.

Understand that i am playing with fallacy. I’m creating philosophical chaos and making my own heart and mind battle it out. Years of studying philosophy just to play with it so coyly… but I’m inspired to share a story, so it’s allowed.

I am allowed.

My professors always commented on my fearless approach to the unknown and the untraveled.

I don’t think I have a fearless voice because I have an amazing understanding of the unknown. It’s just that my whole life seems to be composed of the unlikely. My whole life seems to be the experience of this can’t happen, until it does.

I AM beginning to be aware of this pattern. It is at the beginning of every prayer I say.

It’s something like this…

Hail Mary full of Grace, please integrate this intention for me before I fall apart.... but please oh please allow my story to continue unfold.

And please help me to be a part of the story unfolding - but please do not let it be a story unraveling.

Many, many times it feels more like a story unraveling.

I’m going to speak about my professors a lot. And that’s because along with family, friends, life and doctors - they were a huge part of influencing how I thought about myself - and MY STORY.

the Story of my life. And well, the part about - I get to tell it.

Like no matter my story, I still get to give it voice. I create it. And collectively, it is.

My writing and even my story telling is much more like a Monet. And not that I’m comparing myself to Monet.

That said, at first glance, my writing may be blurry and you may not know what you are looking at. I’ve tried to write with another voice.

I’ve tried to paint a picture with words of sail boat when I want to convey a sailboat.

But then I lose all the inspiration of my poetic heart.

When I speak words in the voice of my heart….

I still see water. I still see the white fabric of a vessel. I still see a vessel itself. And it may not be as clear, but oh do I feel it. And I want to explore it. And I am the warrior captain.

I am beginning to know the difference between an aim for realism and an aim for Impressionism.

If you intend realism and miss your mark - you don’t just fall into impressionism.

It just doesn’t work like that.

However if you very intentionally design your work as abstract - because it’s how your heart creates, then my dear, you will still have your clarity. It just may not make sense until you’ve provided a framework for those who experience your art.

All my poetry professors gave me the same feedback in terms of my style, that I am an imagist.

I never considered my style, because I write from intuition. My voice is just composed of images, it’s just my natural tendency.

That is, I never tried to be an imagist. I just am.

My parents are both story tellers and imagists.

I heard my mom’s story telling in her art and my dad’s story telling in the way he taught me to play soccer. And really the lessons were both the same - being an artist and an athlete that is.

Be PRESENT in the story.

And THAT IS why I was 100% prepared for cancer at age 9 even though… I never saw it coming.

I just knew I had to be PRESENT in the story.

And that is THE STORY OF MY LIFE.

And now with this new cancer… it’s no longer a story about cancer. Now is the time for something else.

Now it’s time for me to trust the Holy Spirit and give Grace Girl her story.

Now is the time for Grace Girl.