Christmas Miracles...
/A homily last Sunday had me thinking…
I’ve kept everything I have ever wanted to experience at a distance. I kept myself away. I’ve hid my passions and my purpose in sacred places… away from my heart and even further from my soul.
I’ve perfected the not me and grown into an absolute abstract of what I don’t think I’m allowed to believe.
To WONDER.
I am a quester. I quest. And my quests, of course, are in seeking something I feel I have lost. I let go of the loss. It’s how I stay present. But, what is the presence of loss?
It’s this.
It’s never knowing, not even a little…
I didn’t know I could still BE.
I went to sleep as this began to surface in my soul.. so it’s no surprise that the Holy Spirit decided to wake me at 2am. His voice is like the tiptoe of a whisper and while not quite a lullaby - I recognize it by its divine gentleness.
This permeating WONDER that He speaks of… it’s aligning with my soul.
Speaking of soul and leaps of faith… I am even co-hosting a Christmas Party of WONDER though I’m not exactly sure what that means for the guests. I just know that it IS.
CLARITY
Oh I love clarity. I rarely experience it. Though I have. I often make the mistake of trying to clarify what the Holy Spirit is showing me… you know, try to make sense of the divine.
I’m letting that go just this once for something else to happen.
26 years ago I was on my deathbed. Since then, Christmas has always had an extra meaning for me. Not that it’s about me, it’s just another experience of what has been my ultimate quest thus far.
AND.
I had all the clarity, the feeling of knowing, the unconditional love, the this is my actual soul experience of life. I wasn’t here in the same manner but I didn’t go to a light or completely leave.
We read amazing insights of clarity for those who pass this life, leave us with final thoughts and soothe our souls. There are also those with extreme afterlife experiences who tell us about heaven and all its glory.
Neither were my experience.
I feel like, instead, I was to share the hope and promise of here. Right here. But how?
WE HAVE PURPOSE. HERE. ALSO.
Life is a miracle too.
The chemotherapy I am receiving, while not nearly as strong as 26 years ago, is still impacting my life quite significantly. And, as such, I received a blood transfusion on 12.12. to help with some of these effects.
I haven’t had a blood transfusion in 26 years. I found it so profoundly simple and life-giving.
It reminded me that I have a physical body with function and purpose and that while my goal is heaven MY HEART STILL BEATS HERE.
My heart still belongs to God… that doesn’t change because I put on a cute sweater, grab a cup of coffee, promise Stella money for a candy cane fundraiser, and lose my phone for an hour.
THAT’S LIFE. AND I LOVE IT. (#MOSTLY…lol).
You can expect a slight shift in my posts… I will always post HS inspirations, but it’s time for A LEAP OF FAITH.
It’s time to ACT. As a writer, it’s suggested you don’t tell the reader what to experience… you create the experience. That’s the miracle of good writing is that its not the words at all.
And for my pace… expect it to be quick, as an empath… once I have an experience it seems to manifest completely!
Amen.
